Kingdom Hearts fic: Connections of the Heart - Chapter 5

[mistressofmuses]

In chapter 5: Some personal realizations are made.

(Happy one-day-belated 20th birthday to Kingdom Hearts! Hard to believe it's been that long!)

---

The bright, warm, cheery sunlight coming through the library window was completely contrary to Kairi’s mood. She was curled up in an extremely comfortable overstuffed chair, in a patch of sunshine, with a stack of leather-bound books detailing Eclennan mythology and history. Viney ornamental plants twined around the windowsill, and the light winked off some of the brightly colored stones inlaid into the window frame. Every part of that should have been a dream come true.

At the very least, a library should have felt like an escape, the way the one in Radiant Garden always had.

Unfortunately—and ironically, for what she was supposed to be doing—her heart just wasn’t in it.

She was here to find her ‘references’ for her impending wedding. But the whole venture was starting to feel doomed. Every time they’d tried to find a way around one potential disaster, they stumbled face-first into a new, worse one. It would be comical if the stakes weren’t so high.

‘Your fake engagement has just been made very, very real, and your not-fake wedding is imminent’ had seemed like it would be a tough one to beat. ‘And you will be magically judged regarding how true your love is’ had managed to do it.

She shut the book in her lap with a snap. It was time to head to her next meeting with the Eclennan officials anyway, to finalize the details of the treaty.

---

“Of course, this is an agreement of mutual defense,” Lord Escera emphasized, unnecessarily, for at least the fourth time at one of these social meetings. It was like he thought Radiant Garden was just waiting for the instant the agreements were signed so that the could then spontaneously declare war on the rest of the damn world.

“Absolutely,” Kairi agreed, smile tight. She was running out of patience with the repeated comments, and it was harder to reply sweetly every time.

She actually almost missed the horrible council chamber in Radiant Garden. It would still have been infuriating to address the same things over and over, but somehow when the negotiation was posing as social interaction, the snide parts felt even worse.

It felt worse for other reasons, too. At a council meeting, glaring across the table at Braig, she probably could have focused on standing her ground, or arguing a point. With the trappings of a pleasant lunch party, it was harder not to let her mind wander back to the kinds of things she really wished she didn’t have to think about.

Was this all for nothing? All the planning—all the lying, because that’s what it was, no matter how well-intentioned—none of it would matter if the Sacred Star took a magical look at her and Riku and deemed their love untrue. All it would take was one… glance? Touch? Whatever the Star used, to see that Riku didn’t really love her, that she was in love with Sora.

Lord Escera clapped her on the shoulder, in what might have felt like a friendlier gesture if he hadn’t been harping on the same things she’d already agreed to.

Kairi stepped over to the refreshments table and picked up another glass of sweet fruit juice. She spun it in her hands instead of taking a sip.

She smiled politely at Layrde Ourane, who stepped up next to her, grabbing a drink of their own.

“I’m relieved, you know?”

“Me too,” she agreed.

“I’d hoped everything would work out from that first day you arrived. I’m a little amazed that it did, but glad, because this is for the best. And congratulations on the wedding! It’s wonderful that we all get to watch your connection to Riku be formalized.”

“Thank you.” She smiled as they walked away to rejoin a different conversational group, but she felt the expression fade a moment later.

Everyone waiting to see the connection formalized… they were going to be disappointed. Was there some way to trick the Sacred Star? That wasn’t exactly the kind of question she could ask Lyshen or Amara. Or anyone else, for that matter. Would it be enough for her to think about Sora while around the star? Or would that make it worse; should she think solely of Riku instead? If she thought of Sora, to give the impression of true love, then did Riku have someone he loved enough to think of and fool the Star?

She hoped not. She told herself that hope was selfless, solely because that would make it even worse that she was forcing him into this, if it meant she was taking him away from someone he did love, but had just… decided to hide from her and Sora.

Not that she believed he’d hide something—someone—like that from them.

She took a quick sip from her drink, using the sweetness to chase back the bitter taste of jealousy on her tongue. Jealousy and guilt. Because far from that ‘selfless’ reason, there was a small, terrible part of her that hated the idea of Riku leaving her and Sora for someone else. Even hypothetically. What a horrible thing to think. He deserved to be happy.

The next person to step up next to her was Amara, and Kairi tried to rein her thoughts back in. Not that she wanted to seem distracted or rude to anyone here, but especially not to either of the queens.

“You seem lost in thought,” Amara remarked.

Kairi couldn’t quite hide her wince, so she exaggerated it instead. “That obvious?”

“Plenty to think about, I imagine. I think any future bride, to say nothing of a future queen, is entitled to some of that.”

Kairi nodded and hid behind her glass, taking another drink.

“Figured I could at least save you from being cornered by Lord Escera, again.” Amara glanced meaningfully to Kairi’s left, where the lord in question was slowly making his way back around toward her.

“Thank you,” Kairi mouthed, as Amara offered her arm, so the two of them could walk off for a ‘private’ chat. Or as private as any of the conversations at one of these gatherings could be.

“He keeps reminding me that this is a defensive alliance,” Kairi said. “Like he thinks I’m excited and ready to declare war and then duck behind Eclenna.”

Amara rolled her eyes. “He was one of the last holdouts regarding the alliance. But don’t worry about it. Once the treaty is signed and the ceremony is complete, he’ll support it as strongly as everyone else.”

“I hope so.” She licked dry lips.

“So,” Amara said, dragging the syllable out. “Have you found your references yet?”

“Ah… I’m afraid not yet.” She thought of the stacks of books she’d been unable to focus on.

Amara bumped her shoulder into Kairi’s. “Don’t worry about it. You’ll find the right ones. It’s, well, maybe a bit of a superstition, but it’s said that the right ones will find you at the right time. Fate, or destiny, or the Sacred Star itself helps you to recognize the right ones when you see them.”

Kairi’s cheeks grew warm. It was a sweet thought. It reminded her of paopu fruits, entwining destinies forever, no matter what… “I’d love to believe that,” she answered. “I just hope the Sacred Star sees fit to help me out, in that case.”

She tried to brush it off with a laugh, but she could tell it sounded forced. Maybe Amara could too, because she gave Kairi a bit of an odd look.

“I’m sure it will.” Then in what was clearly intended as a reassuring tone, Amara added, “Your connection with Riku is clearly extremely strong and important to both of you. You have nothing to worry about.”

Kairi’s chest felt brittle. “Must just be nerves,” she said weakly, hoping it would be a plausible excuse.

Amara squeezed her arm, and then stepped away. That was how these official social gatherings always went; no one wanted to monopolize conversation with anyone else for too long.

Kairi retreated toward one of the tall windows, looking outside as if taking in the scenery, though she barely registered it.

Amara’s words had of course been the opposite of reassuring. Instead, they’d brought to the surface a thought that Kairi had been trying desperately not to even consider:

What if the Sacred Star didn’t find her connection with Riku lacking? What then?

The wedding would go off as expected, and Radiant Garden and Eclenna would officially be allies. She would be crowned queen. And she would have received tacit, yet soul-deep confirmation that she was in love with someone other than her real fiancé.

She’d always loved Riku, and she’d always known it. But she was rapidly losing the ability to pretend her love for him was markedly different than the love she had for Sora.

It didn’t diminish her love for her ‘real’ fiancé. It was almost the opposite, like those feelings toward each of them were magnified by virtue of the other existing. Just like they’d always been, an inseparable trio.

She had been the one to propose to Sora! And yet, if Lyshen came to her tomorrow to tell her that somehow the alliance now hinged on her marrying Sora instead of Riku, she thought she’d feel the same gnawing regret, the same feeling of leaving someone out who shouldn’t be.

As a small knot of ladies approached, she pasted her smile back on.

But finally considering the thought had opened a door she knew she couldn’t shut again. And there had only ever been two people that she would talk to about things like that.

---

Sora watched as Riku paced across the sitting room. He paused when he reached the writing desk, staring for a moment at the book sitting there. It was a thick, leather-bound thing. Riku had gotten it from the palace library, he’d said. That had come with some vague explanation about needing to find a ‘reference’ in it.

Kairi had at least been a little more forthcoming: it was one of the Eclennan marriage traditions they would be performing.

And that was a terrible bittersweet thought. That burst of elation thinking about a wedding, followed immediately by the crushing reminder that he wasn’t included. This was for the two people he loved most… but not for him.

Kairi had retreated to the library that morning so she could start finding her own references, before an afternoon filled with more of the social meetings with various lords, ladies, and layrdes. She’d sounded frustrated when she left, sure it was going to be more rehashing of the same terms, laying out how signing the agreements would work once the wedding was complete, things like that. Things she said they’d discussed to death already, yet still seemed to need to perfect further.

Later in the day, Riku would be joining her for yet more talks, though those would be to discuss the wedding itself. They still had to decide what Radiant Garden traditions they would be incorporating alongside the Eclennan ones.

With the power of the Eclennan rulers behind it, it sounded like it was their chance to truly plan their dream wedding. Sora tried to dodge the thought before he could fixate on it. After Kairi had proposed, his dream wedding had just been anything with her. Maybe a paopu, too. And of course Riku would be there.

And now it was just the two of them.

Riku was supposed to be reading the book, doing his part to prepare. Instead he’d been pacing for at least twenty minutes, with no sign of stopping. He stared at the book, then paced back in front of the loveseat, to the door to ‘his’ room, then back. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

“Nervous?” Sora asked.

Riku just let out a heavy breath instead of an answer.

“Because you’re starting to make me nervous, and I’m just sitting here.”

“I can’t imagine what any of us would have to be nervous about,” he snapped.

True enough, but, “And I can’t imagine what being an anxious mess is going to do to fix any of it.”

“Well, it was your anxiety about this whole thing that got us into this situation.”

Sora winced. So did Riku.

Riku sighed, clearly readying an apology. “That wasn’t fair, I know—”

“I’m not blaming you for any of this, you know,” Sora interrupted. Even if Riku hadn’t meant it, it still hurt to hear.

An awkward pause, then: “You should. Blame me.”

Sora rolled his eyes. “That’s not helping, either.”

“I don’t see how you aren’t blaming me for it. I’m the one who agreed to every stupid, misguided step of this whole plan.”

“As you just reminded me, it was my idea in the first place. And I do remember that.”

“I shouldn’t have said that. But you have to blame someone.”

Sora hardly knew what to say to that. “Why? We all agreed; this is the best choice we have, for all of us. Radiant Garden is more important than anything else. Kairi is more important than anything else. Why does that mean I have to blame you?”

“I’m marrying your fiancée!” The words sounded almost painful, the way they tore out of Riku’s throat.

“And if I can’t marry her, of course it should be you!”

Riku physically stumbled back a step.

“You care about Kairi, and you’ll take care of her, no matter what. You understand how important Radiant Garden is to her. To all of us. And you won’t…” Sora’s throat grew tight, and it took him a moment to get the rest of the words out. “You won’t forget about me.”

Because that was really the worst of it. Sora loved Kairi. And he loved Riku. As long as the two of them were okay, he could deal with this, no matter how much it hurt to be the one left out. But he couldn’t bear the idea of the two people most important to him just… forgetting about him.

Riku’s voice was far gentler when he said, “I could never forget about you, Sora.”

Sora swiped at his cheeks, brushing away tears that he was only slightly surprised to find. “So if this is how it has to be, then I’m glad it’s you.”

The gentleness took on a terrible quality when Riku said, “You say you’re okay with it now. What about a month from now? A year from now? A damn decade from now, when the love of your life is still married to someone else, because splitting up would create a diplomatic incident? It would be better not to pretend.” He sounded so matter-of-fact.

It sounded dangerously like Riku was saying he couldn’t do this.

Sora stood up. “So this is you saying you’re backing out? That you’d leave Kairi caught in the middle? It’d really be okay with you if we never reach a real peace with Eclenna, or that Kairi is never made queen?”

Riku’s face flushed slightly. He seemed to start to speak several times, never getting past opening his mouth and shutting it again.

His voice was shaky when he finally said, “You don’t want to be forgotten. I don’t want to be… hated.”

It was Sora’s turn to draw back. He felt like he’d been struck. He wished he’d been struck; it would have hurt less. “You think I’d hate you?”

Riku waved his hand dismissively. “When both of you realize I’m the one in between you, yeah, you will. It won’t matter that we all agreed.” He sounded… calm. Matter-of-fact. Like it was an inevitability.

“Riku. Kairi and I will never, ever hate you.” I love you.

Riku shook his head. “You think that’s true now, but—”

“Do you think you’ll hate me? Or Kairi?” Sora interrupted.

Riku jerked his head back like he was startled. “Of course not. But that’s not the same.”

“Why not?”

“I’m the one in the way.”

Sora could have screamed. He settled for throwing himself back down onto the loveseat, and running his hands through his hair, elbows braced on knees.

A moment later, the cushion settled next to him.

---

Riku sat on the loveseat next to Sora, but couldn’t quite bring himself to look at him. He fixed his eyes on a particular scroll of the wallpaper. “I’m not backing out. I’ve already promised, okay?”

Aside from being forgotten—and who could forget Sora? It would be like forgetting sunlight—Sora’s main concern had always been that Riku wouldn’t go through with this. So of course he was going to. Even if he knew it was going to hurt, this was all he could do for them right now.

Sora stopped running his hands through his hair long enough to look over at Riku. Then he shook his head. “But you’re doing it even though you think we’ll hate you in the end. What makes you think either of us would hate you? Riku, we love you. You’ve been our friend forever.”

Riku couldn’t suppress his wince at the word ‘love.’ He saw Sora notice the reaction. Another twist of the knife.

There was no ‘just’ about their friendship, like it was something inferior. He would gladly have taken that forever, pushing down the ache and longing for a different kind of love, burying that away underneath whatever they were willing to give him. He would have been happy with that.

But there was no way he was going to be allowed to keep it. Despite what Sora promised, Riku knew that he was destined to end up… if not hated, resented, at best.

“Really, Riku. What have we ever done to make you think we could hate you?”

When he put it that way, like Riku was accusing him of something… “Nothing. It’s not you, it’s—”

How did he even want to finish that sentence? It’s me? It’s the situation? It’s what I deserve for being greedy and wanting more than I should have?

But he had to get that wounded, awful look off of Sora’s face. “Nothing,” he repeated.

“You think we could hate you. That isn’t nothing.”

“Then thank you for telling me I was wrong.” Or that you think I’m wrong. That was something at least.

Sora knocked into him. He didn’t have a lot of momentum, from one cushion of the loveseat to the other, but it was enough to knock Riku back against the arm. Sora clung to him, fingers almost bruisingly tight against his back.

We have to stop meeting like this, Riku wanted to joke, thinking of the last time Sora had pulled him into a hug on the loveseat. He wanted to lighten it up from whatever this was. Even though he was the one to blame for the mood.

“More practice with being close?” he finally said, letting one arm settle over Sora’s back.

The joke fell as flat as he knew it would. Sora’s huff of laughter against his chest felt more like a pity acknowledgement of the attempt than any real humor at the joke.

“Why, do you need more practice?” Sora’s voice sounded as fragile as Riku felt.

“Do I?” he asked inanely. He thought about how he took Sora’s advice, a hand on Kairi’s waist at a formal dinner. “There haven’t been any complaints so far. Apparently I’ve been convincing enough.” Harder not to be.

He remembered that closeness leading so naturally to a kiss. And how much he’d wanted to do it again, even once they were back in the privacy of their own room. You’ve kissed her. So does kissing her mean I’ve kissed you, too? It was a foolish thought that he wished he wasn’t thinking, but now he couldn’t stop.

“Convincing enough that everyone is looking forward to your wedding.”

Riku tensed, but Sora didn’t move. “Yeah,” he agreed, forcing himself to relax again. “Not sure if I can convince the magical star that’s going to look into our hearts, but…”

Sora shrugged. “If it’s just looking for connection, you two are connected.”

Sora wasn’t wrong, but he was pretty sure the Sacred Star was going to look for more than just a connection. What would the Star do with a mismatched connection? Sure, it would probably be able to tell that Riku loved Kairi. But that Kairi didn’t feel the same way? Or that she wasn’t the only one Riku loved? What then?

He had the sudden fear that it would somehow… announce it to the world, like the worst version of a nightmare about having to perform for an audience when unprepared.

Riku settled his hand against the back of Sora’s head, thumb automatically stroking at his hair. Sora had to hear his heartbeat at this point, because Riku could feel it.

It felt strange and selfish to enjoy the contact. He’d been fully prepared to pick a fight just a few minutes ago, but seeing the hurt look on Sora’s face had punched a hole in that. Despite Sora’s certainty, Riku knew this kind of thing would disappear. He wouldn’t have this again.

The whole thing was like something out of a fairy tale, one of the cautionary ones; taking the false promise of what he’d wanted, to marry one of the people he loved, only for it to be a ruse, costing him the friendships he’d most valued.

Or maybe in this tale, he’d cursed himself. He remembered his immediate thought when Kairi had asked him ‘Think you can play my fiancé for a couple weeks?’

‘Forever, if you wanted.’ Be careful what you offer, be careful what you wish for.

Sora curled even closer, somehow, and Riku wondered if he was thinking something along the same lines, a fear or knowledge that this kind of thing was going to disappear. Riku wasn’t selfish enough to deny Sora the opportunity to cling to something, even if he was exactly selfish to let himself do the clinging.

---

Kairi paused outside the door to the guest rooms. The urge to knock was a silly one, but she was nervous about opening the door.

She’d probably seemed distracted and preoccupied for the rest of the lunch party, and hoped she’d at least kept from coming across as rude. At the conclusion, Lyshen had made a gentle comment about not letting anxiety get to her, assuring her both that all new rulers and new spouses felt the same kinds of nerves. She went on to say that of course the official alliance and the wedding would be wonderful things, and that when Kairi looked back, she’d be unable to remember what she’d even been worried about.

Oh, if only she knew. No matter what the outcome, Kairi would never be able to forget the nerves.

A quick glance up and down the hall revealed that she was completely alone, and she took just a moment to lean her forehead against the smooth, polished wood of the door. She just needed to breathe for a minute. There were so many branching paths this could lead down.

Everything up until now had felt like stumbling from one disaster of their own making to another. Like tripping up a flight of stairs.

This could be just another stumble.

Even if it was, she couldn’t shove her thoughts and feelings about Riku back into the box she’d been trying to hide them in. She loved him, and she knew she loved him, and she wasn’t going to unknow that or stop doing it. She also wasn’t ever going to stop loving Sora.

It was still her choice whether to tell them. Would saying something just make it worse? Would it hurt Sora, to know that she didn’t love him alone? That she’d also love her husband? Would it make Riku want to call it off, unwilling to go through with it unless they were both pretending?

She could just keep it to herself. But… no pretending when we’re alone. She’d agreed to it, one of so few rules. This hadn’t been what they meant, not at all… but every lie they told just made things worse. Lying to them, even by omission, seemed worse than everything else.

Half of her wanted to leave, to put this off. Maybe she could just go back to the library, make herself scarce until dinner. After that, she and Riku were supposed to meet with Lyshen and Amara to work on wedding planning, but she could probably disappear until then…

Before she could second-guess herself any further, she reached for the door handle.

The motion was too forceful, the handle turning so hard it sprang back into pace with a sharp snap, as the door itself swung open.

Both Riku and Sora startled up from the loveseat, looking toward the door.

Kairi was stuck awkwardly standing in the open doorway, scrambling to get the door shut behind her.

“So, uh… hey.” How did you start a conversation like this? “I… think I have something I have to tell you about.”

Within seconds, the two of them had gotten her seated on the loveseat. Sora sat next to her, Riku on the floor near her feet. All three had crammed onto the seat before, but it was a tight fit.

Both of them looked at her, serious and quiet, just waiting for her to speak. That didn’t help her figure out where to start.

“I don’t want to call any of this off, first of all,” she said. That seemed like one of the most important things to be clear about. “I know that what we’re doing is still the best option we have.”

Sora and Riku shared a look.

“And I know this is maybe kind of silly of me, because this whole thing has been based on a lie. But I don’t want to lie to you.”

“Okay,” Sora prompted, after she fell into silence for just a bit too long.

“But if what I say does mean that either of you aren’t willing to go through with our plan, then… I’ll understand. I don’t want the plan called off, but that’s also why I have to tell you. If I don’t, then it could be making you go through with it when you otherwise wouldn’t.”

“We all agreed already,” said Riku, prompting another look from Sora. “And I think you’re stalling.”

Of course she was. And she couldn’t quite stop herself from doing so just a little more. “What were our three rules?”

Riku glanced down. “Displays of affection with y—between us in public only.”

“No pretending in private,” Sora added. “And keep it convincing.”

She nodded, the pause stretching too long again. “So… I think I need to say… I think I messed up. I wasn’t trying to, but… I haven’t been pretending in public the way I thought I would be.”

She bit down on the inside of her lip, using that sting to try and ward of the sting of tears. She wasn’t saying this nearly as well as she’d hoped. Maybe she should have retreated to the library after all, just so she could have planned what to say.

“I don’t think I understand,” Riku said.

Sora also looked confused. “It sounds like everything between you and Riku has been good. It’s certainly convinced Eclenna that they want to host your wedding, so how bad could it have been?”

She shook her head. “It’s not that it hasn’t been convincing enough. I think we aced that rule pretty well.” She thought of the kiss on the dance floor, Riku’s hand on her waist to guide her through a room, his hand brushing her wrist… he’d definitely mastered acting the part. And her responses hadn’t been acting at all. “It’s the pretending part I failed at.”

She blinked rapidly, trying again to chase away the threat of tears.

“Sora, I love you, so much. Okay? Please do not think that has ever been anything other than genuine. I asked you to marry me, and even with—especially with—everything that’s happened here, I want to spend my life with you.”

He reached down and laced his fingers with hers, forcing her to relax one of the fists she’d clenched against the cushion. “I love you too, Kairi.”

“And Riku, I know we kept to the first rule, too. But… I haven’t always wanted to. The issue with pretending… I know it was supposed to be no pretending in private, but I haven’t been faking it in public either. Riku, I love you. I hope you already knew that I loved you. But I love you like I love Sora,”—she squeezed his hand—“and I don’t want to lie to either of you about that.”

Riku didn’t say anything.

“And if knowing that I love you means you can’t go through with the wedding, I’ll understand. I’d never try to make you feel a certain way, and if the fact that I feel differently about you than you feel about me is too much, we’ll figure something out—” The words got faster as she went, anxious to try and explain in the face of Riku’s silence, until he cut her off.

“It’s not different.”

Her breath caught in her throat. “What?” she asked. It was hard to believe she’d heard him correctly.

“It’s not different.” This time was even more mumbled, and he refused to look directly at her. His cheeks were red.

“You love me and you love Riku?” Sora said. It didn’t really sound like much of a question.

She nodded. “I do. And I don’t love you less because of it. And I hope you believe me—”

Then he cut her off, because he was hugging her, half-crushing her against him.

She returned the hug. “Please believe me. I love you both.”

Sora pulled back, but not really away. He looked at Riku, who was still sitting like he was frozen in place, staring down at the rug below him.

Sora bit his lip, before seeming to push himself to speak. “I’ve always loved both of you.” Then, like the confession made him self-conscious: “So I… I understand.”

Maybe it wasn’t fair, but after that from Sora, Kairi looked at Riku. Sora was staring at him again too, looking increasingly nervous the longer Riku didn’t say anything.

Finally, Riku let out a shuddering breath. He’d curled his knees up close, arms folded over them, face buried. “If either one of you is, I don’t know, going to laugh and say you were just joking…”

Kairi slid off the seat, landing on her knees in front of Riku. Tentatively, she reached out to touch his leg. “I’m not joking. And I’m sorry, I know it’s not fair to just throw this at you on top of everything else.”

Sora slid down next to her, resting his back against the leg of the loveseat. He poked at Riku’s thigh with his toe. “I wasn’t joking. I wouldn’t about that.”

“I wasn’t either,” Riku finally said, voice slightly muffled by his arm. “I said the feelings weren’t different from me. And they aren’t. Both of you. I know I shouldn’t feel that way, but…”

“So all three of us feel the same way, and just… haven’t been saying it?” Sora asked.

Kairi groaned and knocked her head against the cushioned seat. “Now I just feel silly, agonizing over it.”

That wasn’t completely true. She wasn’t sure how she felt. Elated, mostly, with the relief of having told them, and not having been outright rejected for it. It didn’t fix everything, but it felt like a start.

Riku was at least looking at the both of them now, though his head was still down. “You both really mean it?”

“Of course I do,” she confirmed.

Sora poked Riku with his foot again. “No take-backs.”

“And you?” she asked. “Did you mean it?”

He hadn’t actually said it, exactly.

“Stars, yes.” The words sounded almost desperate. “I don’t know if I remember a time I didn’t love the both of you.”

Kairi reached forward and grabbed Riku by the elbow, hauling him close enough to hug. He didn’t resist, instead collapsing almost limply against her. It took another minute before he got an arm up to hug her back, but when he did, it felt like he was never planning to let go.

Kairi held out her free arm toward Sora, and he slid easily up against her side. Riku shifted enough to cling to him too.

It was a few minutes before it started to feel silly, having all of them in a very inelegant embrace on the floor. And yet it still didn’t feel silly at all.

Sora turned his head to kiss her cheek, and then to press a kiss against Riku’s temple.

Riku let out another shuddering breath and somehow pulled both of them in even tighter. Kairi ran her fingers through his hair, pressing a kiss of her own to the top of his head.

Then Riku laughed. It sounded fragile, but genuine. “I guess you’re right. It is pretty funny that all three of us were quietly worrying about the same thing, just keeping it to ourselves. Resigned to it.”

“Guess all three of us really are meant to be,” Sora said.

That startled a stronger bark of laughter out of Riku.

“Well, now that we’re no longer suffering stoically in silence”—Kairi made a face—“can we move somewhere better than the floor? It’s thick carpet, but I’m sure there are more comfortable places to sit.”

Riku pulled away almost reluctantly. Even having been the one who’d asked, Kairi understood. It felt like it would break some spell, or crash them back to a reality where none of this was true.

Reality was waiting, but this had changed things. There was no spell to be broken.

The loveseat would barely fit all three of them, so instead they went to the bedroom. Sora was the first to throw himself onto the bed, sprawling back on the pillows. Riku sat much more gingerly at the edge of the mattress.

Sora sat up a little higher. “Does this mean I get to kiss you now?” he asked.

Riku somehow looked surprised, but he nodded. Sora looked delighted, and reached over to pull Riku close enough to do so. It was a gentle, slow kiss, and Riku didn’t completely lose his look of shock, even as he settled a hand at Sora’s neck and kissed him back.

Kairi knelt closer to the middle of the bed. There was no twinge of jealousy; the opposite, really. She hadn’t really expected there to be, once Sora and Riku had made their own confessions. Her thoughts had always been about how she wanted all three of them to stay together, how she couldn’t picture a future with only two of them, and nothing about that had changed.

She leaned forward to hug Riku from behind. He seemed like the one in the need of the most reassurance about everything. She probably should have expected that. She and Sora had had plenty of time to grow secure in their relationship, even if both of them had secretly been pining for Riku, too. Really, it sounded like Kairi had been the last to realize it, even though she’d been trying to keep herself from admitting it for far too long.

Riku leaned back against her, opening her up for a chance to kiss him too.

It wasn’t their first kiss, but it was their first kiss where they both got to be honest about the feelings behind it, and that made it feel new. They broke it off before too long, and Sora dove in for his own quick peck with her after.

She lost track of time for a bit, her focus all on the three of them. A hand running through her hair, the nip of teeth at her lip. Shoulders and hips and hands under hers.

Kairi wished they could spend a leisurely afternoon not caring about anything else. Unfortunately, there was still a schedule they were expected to keep, and there were only a few hours left before Kairi and Riku were supposed to meet Lyshen or Amara for a wedding planning session. And before any of that, she had to ask.

“I really hate to ruin the moment,” she said. Looking at both Riku and Sora, comfortable on the bed, relaxed in a way it felt like none of them had been in weeks, that regret was very strong. It would be so easy just to lean back in, do everything she wanted to… She shook her head. “I really hate to. But I have to ask… does this change anything? Does everything go forward the same way now?”

It seemed almost unfathomable that something this big for all three of them wouldn’t affect anything else. That it wouldn’t change anything for anyone else. But how could it?

Riku looked at Sora. “I think so. Doesn’t it? I know this… changes things. But not what we have to do, right? We still don’t want to risk the treaty.”

Sora nodded. “Just an amendment to the rules, right? We can get rid of the ‘affection in public only’ rule, with a little more emphasis on the ‘no pretending in private’ one.”

“Why does it feel like it’s going to be harder?” Kairi groaned. “I want this to have changed something, and I hate that no one else is going to know.”

“We know. I’m just glad about that.” Sora practically launched himself up to tackle both of them into a hug.

Kairi giggled as he pushed the two of them down into the soft mattress. It was definitely a more comfortable place to pile together than the floor by the loveseat.

None of them seemed at all inclined to move, even though they couldn’t stay there forever. As tempting as it was.

This time Riku broke the silence. “Are we still meeting with the queens this evening? We’re supposed to, right?

“We are,” she confirmed. “Did you find any references?”

“I don’t think he even opened the book,” Sora said.

“You snitch.” Riku poked Sora in the ribs, and Sora laughed.

“Guess Lyshen and Amara will be disappointed in both of us, then.” Kairi stuck out her tongue. “I went to the library, but I just couldn’t focus. Maybe there’s enough time for us to look for something now. We have a couple hours, right?”

After a moment, sounding shy, Sora asked, “Can I help?”

Kairi half sat up to look at him. “You want to?”

He shifted his shoulders in what could pass for a shrug. “Yes? I know that it’s you and Riku getting married. But, well, I like the idea of helping with it. Being a part of it, even if I can’t be a part of it. And I love both of you, so I bet I can help find things that remind me of you.”

“That would be nice, actually,” Riku said.

Kairi kissed Sora on the cheek. “Let me go grab a couple of the books from the library, and then we can start looking.”

---

The pile of books Kairi had taken out of the library was a little bit daunting. Sora eyed them slightly skeptically—there was no way they could get through all of them in just a few hours, even with all of them skimming different volumes.

Of course, they still had plenty of time before the wedding; they were just supposed to have some ideas today.

The ‘reference’ tradition was a sweet one, and Sora didn’t think he’d have much trouble finding heroic figures that reminded him of Riku and Kairi. Not you, though. The thought stung, but was also bittersweet. This was just for the two of them, but at least he got to be included.

They were still in the bedroom, Sora leaning against the headboard, Riku cross-legged on the foot of the bed, and Kairi sprawled on her stomach.

It gave him a brief flashback to days and evenings spent in much the same positions, studying and working on homework. Later, helping Kairi pore over history books, or tedious treaties, making sure she was prepared to go up in front of the council with something.

Not so different, then.

He turned back to the book he was supposed to be reading. There were several more in a pile next to him for when he finished the first one.

A History of Eclennan Folklore: Selected Tales and Figures was heavy, the leather of the cover gently worn at the edges.

There wasn’t going to be time for a cover-to-cover read right now, so he flipped to a random section and started to skim.

“There’s one in here about an unlikely alliance,” Kairi said, not looking up from her page. “Two people on opposite sides of a long-standing struggle. Their connection to each other led to them caring more for the world as a whole than for their own sides of the war.”

“I remember that story from the museum,” Riku said. “I think they were credited as the founders of Eclenna itself?”

Kairi skimmed a few more pages and then nodded confirmation.

“We aren’t exactly on opposite sides of a cosmic conflict. But I can see how it’s shaped Eclennan sensibilities. What was it that Lyshen said? ‘Finding a person you love so much…’”

“‘…That you’d do anything to make the world better for them,’” Kairi finished. She looked up and glanced between the both of them, before looking back down at the page, flustered.

Sora could certainly believe that as a definition of love. He skimmed past a couple stories that didn’t really feature connections in the way he was looking for.

There was a myth about a man following his lover into the afterlife, planning to barter for her soul to bring her back to the world of the living. While Sora felt like he’d gladly do the same for either Riku or Kairi, he hoped it would work out better if he had to. The tragic ending definitely disqualified it as wedding reference material.

Riku cleared his throat. “There’s one in here about two people who had to keep their relationship secret for years. They worked together, lived together, but never told anyone about what exactly they meant to each other. The woman died, and then came back from the dead… to prove she really was who she said she was, that she remembered her previous life, she confessed her love to him. It was the only thing that had been a secret only they knew.”

“That actually sounds very romantic in a way. As much as having a lover die but come back can be, I suppose,” Kairi said.

Better than the come-back-to-life attempt Sora had read about. “At least you aren’t keeping it a secret anymore!” he said.

“I… it actually made me think of you.” Riku half-hid behind the book. “How even if we can’t tell anyone, it’s still real. Even if it’s a secret only the three of us can know.”

“I think all three of us should find references,” Kairi announced. “Even if some of them are just between us. It just seems right.”

Both of them saying that… it was like being wrapped in a blanket, or pulled into a hug, all but erasing that pang of sadness about being left on the outside. “I’d like that.”

He turned back to his book, even more determined to find something for the both of them. He flipped forward to a random page and resumed skimming.

Lord S., having been lost for so long, made to believe that all others he loved were dead, was finally brought home. Even then, knowing what he had done, he could not bring himself to believe that he was deserving of compassion or love.

Lord P., having been his dearest friend, the one he’d loved for so long, would not leave him in doubt.

Lord S. had been the one to facilitate the marriage between Lord P. and his Queen D., a love that could have been lost without Lord S.’s intervention. And even in that great love, Lord P. had never forgotten his love of S., nor had D. forgotten her gratitude for him.

The couple came forward: proposing that as S. was no longer bound to the ones who had cruelly enchanted him, that he had divorced himself from the false love that cared only to control and possess him, that now he should marry them, and find peace within their Kingdom. Safely away from all that he had suffered, he could again become himself as he was meant to be, safe and happy with those who loved him, not what they could force him to do.

The three were so bound, the connections between them finally enough to drive away the past darkness.

Sora reread the passage several more times, but the words didn’t change. “Uh… guys. Can I read you one of these?”

Kairi pushed herself more upright, able to tell from his tone that it was serious. “Of course.”

Riku nodded, marking his spot with a finger, but closing the book so he could give his full attention to Sora.

Sora read the whole section to them, and the words didn’t change when spoken aloud, either.

“Is that… really a story that ends with a couple proposing to their friend?” Riku’s words were careful, like the meaning was something fragile that he was in danger of breaking.

Sora nodded, almost too emphatically. “Ends with the marriage to their friend. A friend they’d already loved. That’s exactly what it sounds like. I mean, isn’t it? That’s not just me reading too much into it, right?”

“All three were so bound?” Kairi repeated. “that sounds like that’s exactly what it’s saying. And this is an Eclennan story?”

Sra held up the book, showing her the cover. “Eclennan folklore. Reading the bits around it, it sounds like all of these people were really important, too. I mean, one of them was a Queen, though it sounds like it was just of one small part of Eclenna, not the whole thing.”

Kairi bit at her lower lip. After a pause she said, “I know that we all just agreed that nothing had changed. That we were moving forward with the plan as we’d already intended. But… maybe the plan can change. Or should.”

“Do you think it can?” Riku asked. “Without risking the treaty?”

“If it can, if Eclenna believes that three people can marry, and that it wouldn’t be some sort of betrayal of what we’re here for… is that what both of you want?” Kairi asked.

“Yes. So much,” Riku answered, no hesitation.

“Is this you proposing a second time?” Sora asked, trying to make it a joke, even though it was anything but. “Because you know I’ll say yes again.”

Her eyes were a little wide, a mix of hope and anxiety. “Then I think I need to talk to Lyshen.”

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