mistressofmuses: The characters Sora, Riku, and Kairi from Kingdom Hearts lay together on a beach. (Kingdom Hearts)
mistressofmuses ([personal profile] mistressofmuses) wrote in [community profile] musefic2021-06-30 06:27 pm

Kingdom Hearts fic: Connections of the Heart - Chapter 1

Summary: In order to buy a political alliance that could get her officially crowned, Princess Kairi has to bring a partner on a diplomatic mission. Her fiancé, Sora, doesn't care for the spotlight, and is terrified of messing the opportunity up for her. They come up with the perfect plan - their mutual friend, Riku, can pose as her partner for the duration of the mission. He's far more well-acquainted with the social expectations for the royal consort, and is close enough to her to make it seem completely natural.
In the interests of ensuring they don't compromise the friendship between any of them, they set a few ground rules. Rule No. 1: displays of affection in public only.
Handling themselves in public is surprisingly easy... it's turning the affection and attraction off when in private that becomes the problem.
And as the stakes of the mission itself grow higher, that's far from the only inconvenient complication...

This was written for [community profile] unconventionalcourtship 2021. The goal of the challenge is to write a fic based on the summary of a romance novel (allowing for adjustments to suit the canon and ship you're writing for).
The novel I picked is a Mills & Boon novel called Wife for a Week by Kelly Hunter. The original summary is behind the second cut.


“Any attempts to ally with Eclenna are, at best, a fool’s errand.”

“In the past, yes, but now they’ve reached out to me,” Kairi said. She leaned forward slightly on her hands, the wood of the council table smooth and solid.

It was true: for as long as Kairi could remember, and as far back as she’d ever read in historical documents, the nation of Eclenna had never been interested in a true alliance with Radiant Garden. The nations had a long-standing truce, but from Eclenna’s side it was probably more like a polite agreement to ignore them.

Until an official letter had come to Kairi personally, addressing her as the soon-to-be-ruler, and offering her a chance to visit Eclenna, to reexamine the possibility of a closer relationship between the nations.

“Under the misguided impression that your coronation is a sure thing.” Braig smiled as he said it, but there was a certain mean-spirited twist to the councilman’s words.

Kairi forced herself to keep her expression neutral. She was the heir apparent to the throne of Radiant Garden, but her succession wasn’t yet guaranteed. Every would-be monarch had to do a great work of some kind before they could be crowned: something to benefit the country as a whole. Kairi hadn’t performed a work—yet—and the rest of the council wouldn’t let her forget it.

“Allow me to try,” she implored. “Even a chance at a true alliance with them is worth the attempt, isn’t it?”

She was the only one standing, but she tried to look each of the other five council members in the eyes (or eye, for Braig), willing them to listen and actually consider her request.

Braig would be an ass, of course. Ienzo would go along with Even, whatever he decided. It was hard to ever tell what Aeleus was thinking.

The fifth councilman, Dilan, leaned back in his seat and looked at her speculatively.

She waited. Of the five men, he was probably the one who was the most fair toward her. The five of them had been appointed by her late father, and she knew that none of them had ever quite been able to see her as anything other than a child, much less an equal on the council. Much, much less as the future ruler of Radiant Garden.

Perhaps there was an element of selfishness to their attitude as well; when she was crowned, she’d be responsible for appointing her own council to help guide her decisions, and they’d be out of a job. Set up well for life, but no longer in a position of direct power. Especially the direct power they had now, in the interim between official rulers.

Finally, Dilan spoke. “I believe Princess Kairi is correct in that much, at least. Eclenna’s power is not to be taken lightly, and their willingness to functionally disregard us has been more favorable to us than to them. However, it isn’t something we should count on lasting forever. A true alliance would certainly be a stronger position.”

Kairi relaxed marginally.

“A vote, then?” Aeleus asked.

Dilan nodded. “Those in favor?”

He raised his own hand, as did Aeleus. It took a moment, but Even raised his as well, and predictably Ienzo followed suit.

Equally unsurprising, Braig was the only one with his hand still down. Then he shrugged, and flicked his fingers upward, dismissive. “Seems like a waste of time, but far be it from me to stop you.”

She relaxed the rest of the way. At least she had a chance.

“Is Sora quite prepared?” Even asked, carefully neutral.

She felt a vague chill of foreboding. “Pardon?”

“As outlined in the letter,” he said. “You and your partner have been invited to Eclenna.”

“Now that it’s been approved, I’ll speak to him about the arrangements,” she said.

The wording of the letter hadn’t escaped her. And of course that meant she’d planned that her fiancé would accompany her, though diplomatic missions weren’t necessarily Sora’s forte.

“Do you know why Eclenna never wanted to ally with your father?” Even asked. His voice still held that careful note that sounded like a trap.

“They’ve never—”

“Because King Ansem the Wise, may his memory be ever present, never married,” Even answered, cutting her off.

She swallowed. It wasn’t news to her that her father hadn’t ever wed, of course, but for it to be relevant now…

“I’m sure you’ve studied Eclenna, obviously,” he said, clearly not believing she’d done so at all. “So you know they consider connections of the heart to be the highest form of value. More than just about anything else, they consider that to be a signifier of strength, of worthiness. So the idea of allying with an unmarried monarch? Well, that must have been impossible for them to even consider.”

Kairi swallowed, throat uncomfortably dry. “I appreciate the advice.”

“If that’s what it was,” Braig sneered. “Good luck with your fiancé.”

Dilan cleared his throat. “The invitation asked for a fairly immediate response, with the intent that you should arrive there two weeks from now, if you accepted the invitation. I assume you plan to put your best foot forward, so I suggest you keep to their timeline.”

Kairi nodded. “Thank you, gentlemen,” she said, inclining her head slightly.

As she left the council room, she fought down a wave of elation. It wasn’t really a victory, or at least not a complete one yet. There was certainly plenty of pressure on her now; in centuries, no one had managed to succeed at what she was about to attempt. But at least she was being given a chance to try.


“And so I have to bring a partner with me, in an official capacity,” Kairi explained.

Riku reclined on her bed, watching as she flitted around the room. It wasn’t a surprise that she was already into the thick of planning, identifying the things she would need to take with her. Apparently including a partner. He frowned. “That seems unnecessarily archaic.”

Bad enough that Radiant Garden’s own council wouldn’t take her claim to the throne as seriously as they should; but for another nation to treat her like she needed someone else to legitimize her?

She paused, halfway through examining a formal dress he didn’t remember ever getting to see her in. It would be beautiful on her, a deep blue with the suggestion of celestial patterns picked out in silver. She shrugged. “It’s a cultural thing. They prize the strength of connections between hearts, so it makes sense they’d want a potential ally to display that strength, doesn’t it?”

“Well, at least that shouldn’t be too difficult, right?” Riku looked pointedly between her and Sora. His voice was perfectly even. He would have been proud of that, but he’d had plenty of practice.

“The two of you have got to have the strongest heart connection out there,” Riku continued, pushing any other feelings to the side. “And anyone in Eclenna is going to see it.”

“Yeah!” Kairi agreed, though she was slow to resume her search through the closet.

Riku swallowed, trying to soothe his too-dry throat. Kairi and Sora’s engagement was new, but the friendship between all three of them was not. They’d been together for what felt like forever. Riku could maybe vaguely remember his childhood before having met Kairi, but he had no memories that predated Sora. And anyway, once the three of them had met, they’d been inseparable.

So it had probably been inevitable that Kairi would wind up marrying one of them, princess or no. And of course it would be Sora, because Sora was wonderful in every conceivable way, the same way she was. They were completely perfect for each other. Of course.

Sora tucked his legs up farther on the chair. “What exactly will I have to do?” He picked at the edge of the cushion.

“It’s been so long since Eclenna let anyone in that I don’t really know,” Kairi answered. “I imagine it will involve the usual mix of formal events. Maybe some boring, dry politics, but the tone of the invitation made it sound like it’s meant to be more social.”

“Well that’s not… great.”

“Says who?” Riku snapped.

If there was one thing he hated more than the council not taking Kairi seriously, it was how dismissive they were of Sora. None of the other council members had approved of the engagement, and if it had been up to them they would absolutely have put a stop to it. They’d even refused to include Sora’s name when the engagement was announced, transparently lying and saying it was for his ‘privacy.’ And worse, Sora seemed to be internalizing their disapproval.

“Says me,” Sora said. “I don’t know anything about a diplomatic mission. What if I use the wrong fork, or insult some official by referring to them with the wrong title? I could ruin the entire thing! A once in however-many-centuries chance, and it could be my fault if it doesn’t work!”

Kairi dropped the dress she was still examining onto the bed by Riku and crossed the room. She crouched in front of the chair, and reached out to grasp Sora’s hands. “You aren’t going to ruin anything! This is my responsibility, all right?”

Riku could almost see the wheels turning in Sora’s head, even as he felt the pieces rearranging in his own mind. They came to the same conclusion at almost the same instant.

“Oh stars, this could be your great work!” Sora blurted.

Kairi stepped back and made a face. “Yeah, that thought had occurred to me. Brokering an alliance with a nation where none have succeeded in centuries would probably count. But it’s fine! We can worry about that later.”

“Pretty sure I’m going to worry about it now,” said Sora faintly, leaning forward over his knees. “Kairi, that’s such a huge deal! This could be the great work that gets you crowned.

“Maybe. Won’t know until we try, right?”

“But I don’t know how to be a royal consort! I mean, I knew I was going to be one someday, but… wrong forks and wrong titles! Tripping and falling! Telling a stupid joke that no one laughs at! I can’t be the one to wreck this for you!”

Riku well recognized the signs that Sora was firmly on the path to winding himself up into a full-blown panic.

With a roll of his eyes, he chucked one of Kairi’s pillows at him. There wasn’t enough force behind the toss to do more than startle him out of the anxiety spiral.

When he looked up, Riku said, “Then I guess we’re going to have to help you get ready for your role.”


The castle in Radiant Garden had plenty of rooms that Sora still hadn’t ever seen. This was one of them: an unused small ballroom.

It was described as “small,” yet the cleared wooden floor was probably still larger than the entire house he’d grown up in.

“All right!” Kairi said, sitting down in a stream of sunlight from the windows lining one wall. “I’ve got all the books I could find on Eclenna.”

“All… three of them.” Riku sat next to her and glanced skeptically over the leather-bound volumes. “And how old are they?”

“Two of them are older than I am,” she admitted. “And the one that’s more recent is still from two decades ago. On the bright side, that one included at least a few first-hand observations by someone who traveled there, so that’s something.”

Sora sank to the floor on her other side, leaning on her shoulder as he took his own glance over the books.

“All right,” Kairi said, opening the first. “The Eclennan Political Structure…”

After that, it was a bit of a crash course on modes of address and the hierarchy of their political system. Aspects of it were similar to Radiant Garden’s, with a primary ruler, and several others holding a lesser amount of power. Instead of Radiant Garden’s usually-hereditary ruler and appointed council, they had a system of nobility. The succession system wasn’t very clear, though it didn’t seem to be a hereditary inheritance.

Even so, it was similar enough, between the current queens and lords, and a simplified general honorific address of ‘my beloved insert title here,’ that Sora was slightly less concerned about committing a horrible offense with a slip of the tongue.

Unfortunately, that was the only part that seemed easier than he’d worried.

According to the most recent of the books, a lot of Eclenna’s official business was done in deceptively informal ways. They did have their closed-door meetings and debates, but a shocking amount of political business was done via social engagements. Formal ones like balls and dinners, but also parties and cultural performances… all of them factored into decisions.

Sora felt confident about precisely none of that. He liked people, but he was atrocious at small talk, or sharing the right kind of insight about current events, or knowing what to say to keep someone interested. Knowing that making the right impression on a conversational partner could determine the fate of peace between their nations… it felt like someone had dropped a boulder on his chest.

Even that might have been doable, if it weren’t for everything else. Like dancing, which was apparently also considered a vital skill. The formal balls all were said to include it, and performing well, or at least passably, was necessary to make a good impression.

Worst, there was one thing that all three of the books made very clear: the conduct of partners reflected on each other. So if Sora couldn’t make a good impression, or messed something up, it would absolutely change how the Eclennans viewed Kairi.

He felt nauseous, and turned away, hoping the other two couldn’t read it in his face.

“So we can safely assume that there will likely be multiple formal balls.” Riku ran his finger over a passage in one of the books. There were a couple simple sketches of partnered dances, the participants dressed finely. “It sounds like it’s probably the most common type of event they have.”

“Great, because I’m so good at that.” Sora tasted blood where he’d been chewing at his lip.

Somehow, learning to dance hadn’t ever seemed important. Like so many other aspects of being the future royal consort, he’d always assumed he’d have time to learn it later.

“Well then, up, up.” Kairi moved the heavy book from her lap and scrambled to her feet. “Time to practice!”

Riku pushed off the floor and then turned to offer his hands to help pull Sora up. “I’m sure Kairi and I can get you ready in no time.”

Sora wasn’t so sure, but it was true that Riku had been raised on this sort of thing. His parents had loved throwing big elaborate parties, and they’d forced Riku into etiquette lessons and dance classes from when he was a kid. Sora had always been sympathetic when Riku complained, but now found himself wishing maybe he’d had some of the same.

Sora stood with Kairi, and let Riku help position him, moving his hands and shifting his feet into the right stance to start. Then Riku did the first step of the dance for Sora to copy.

It went poorly. Somehow Sora’s feet got mixed up and he wound up with his weight in the wrong place, so off-balance that Kairi had to brace herself to keep him from falling.

They tried again, several more times, all to similar results. Sora didn’t manage to chain more than two or three correct steps before he missed a cue, or mixed up his feet, or stepped in the wrong direction…

Kairi was remarkably patient, doing nothing more than devolving into giggles when her foot was the victim of a bad step.

Sora usually considered himself to be fairly easy-going too, but even he was sick of just not getting it.

“Maybe if I knew what the whole dance was supposed to look like?” he finally suggested. He’d been woefully inadequate at copying even one step at a time, so he wasn’t sure it would really help. But maybe he’d at least know what he was working toward.

Riku looked to Kairi, and she shrugged an agreement. Sora stepped away, letting Riku take his place with Kairi. Even just the starting stance looked more natural for him, as he rested one hand on Kairi’s hip, the other gently grasping her fingers.

The two of them were just as perfectly matched once they were in motion. Riku led Kairi effortlessly through the dance Sora had been failing to practice. It was some formal ballroom thing, but the two of them made it look as easy as walking, practically weightless, gliding over the floor in the prescribed pattern.

Sora began to fill in the details around them: an actual dance floor, glowing with soft golden light; both of them in formal attire, rather than the casual clothes they’d had for practice; surrounded by other people dressed for the same kind of party, but of course standing out as the most beautiful ones there… If it was Riku and Kairi out there, Sora couldn’t imagine any Eclennan official voting against an alliance.

“Well?” Riku asked.

Sora startled. He’d been so caught up in imagining it, he hadn’t realized the dance itself was over.

“Daydreaming? Really?” Kairi asked, voice falling far closer to ‘fond’ than ‘scolding.’

He ran a hand through the spikes of his hair, sheepish. “You’re both just so good at it.”

Riku frowned. “But we have to make you good at it. Come on, you need to keep trying.”

“It’s been hours though. Are we even practicing the right thing?” Sora asked, reluctantly getting to his feet. “Or did the dance classes your parents shoved you into include the finest in Eclennan court dances?”

Riku reached out and jabbed him in the ribs. “Jerk. I’m doing the best I can, here.”

“Eclennan dances might not be the same,” Kairi allowed. “You’re probably right about that. But the more dances we both make sure to master, the more likely we’ll be able to pick up on theirs, don’t you think?”

“…How many do you think we need to know?”

Her expression was not encouraging.

Riku sighed. “So let’s go again.”


Two weeks was not actually a very long time to plan a diplomatic trip. Kairi had accepted the invitation as soon as the council had granted their approval, and through magically-aided transport, Eclenna had received her response and sent their own within two more days.

Riku had read the letter as well, naturally, as Kairi showed it to both Sora and to him before she’d even told the council of its contents.

It hadn’t given much guidance on what to bring or expect. Kairi was expected to bring her partner, though Sora hadn’t been addressed in the letter, and otherwise was asked to keep her retinue extremely small. Eclenna was still not exactly throwing the doors open in welcome to Radiant Garden as a whole.

Riku supposed that made sense; allowing her to bring as many people as she wanted could quickly warp into “show of force” territory, which was the last thing they needed.

But Kairi had taken the request for “extremely small” extremely literally, and intended for her party to only be three total: her and Sora, plus Riku as her only additional guest. She hadn’t ever relied on the services of a lady’s maid or the like, and any help she did need could be provided by Riku and Sora. The books from the castle library had made it clear that Eclenna was not a gender-segregated society, and it wouldn’t be odd for either of them to assist her.

To the council, she claimed Riku would be there as her bodyguard, an extra layer of protection while on foreign soil. A fair enough designation: he was one of the top fighters in Radiant Garden, proficient with most small weapons. Even so, it was likely to be completely unnecessary. Eclenna’s interest in peace seemed genuine, and even if it weren’t, any hypothetical attacker would have to get through both Sora and Kairi herself before they’d even need Riku. Personally, he pitied anyone foolish enough to assume “princess” meant “helpless”. And then he’d eagerly watch Kairi correct their misunderstanding.

But Sora was also an extremely skilled fighter, if slightly less formally trained than Riku. If someone put Kairi in danger, Riku had complete faith that Sora would do anything necessary to protect her. And since Riku would do the same, she was going to be as safe as it was possible for her to be.

But for as skilled as Sora could be when it came to a fight, Riku had no idea how he was so incapable of translating even a percent of that grace into dancing.

Sora overbalanced and stumbled, cracking one knee against the floor before catching himself.

Riku sighed, and helped haul him back to his feet. “And let’s try one more time. Without the falling.”

“Riku, I just can’t do it.”

“Of course you can. You’ll figure it out. At some point, it’s just all going to click.”

Or so Riku hoped. They were down to days before the three of them were leaving, and Sora’s progress was frankly negligible. With Kairi responsible for the rest of the preparations, she’d left Riku to help get Sora ready for everything. And so far, that meant unending dance lessons, for hours out of the day.

If it weren’t for the pressure of the situation, it would have been enjoyable in a way that Riku firmly tried not to think about.

“You keep saying that. But we’re out of time.”

“Come on, Sora. One more try. You lead, let’s go.”

Sora shook his head, but gamely took up the starting position again. “And here you are,” he complained, “completely comfortable leading and following. Not fair.”

“Get good at one and I’ll teach you the other, now step, left, back…”

Two rotations, and Sora faltered in the pattern. Riku squeezed his hand, trying to bring his attention back and get him back on track, but it was too late. As he attempted to get his feet back to where they should have been two missed steps ago, Sora managed to trip himself, this time sending them both crashing to the hardwood floor.

“Come on, Sora!” Riku said, more exasperated than he’d intended to let on. “That can’t happen in Eclenna!”

“I know.”

“A missed step might be forgivable, but sending you both to the ground? If that happened at one of these formal events, in front of the court—”

“So why don’t you do it, then?” Sora snapped.

Riku stopped and sighed, but before he could say anything, Sora repeated himself.

“So why don’t you do it?” This time he sounded excited.

Riku ran a hand over his face. “Oh good, now you’ve hit your head. I hope Kairi forgives me for concussing her fiancé.”

“No, Riku, it’s perfect!”

“There’s nothing perfect about that,” Riku said, quite reasonably, he thought.

“Why not? You go with her to Eclenna, you play the role of her fiancé, and you can do all this stuff that you’re great at! I’m awful at all of it: the parties, the socializing, the dancing.”

“You’re not—” Riku started, the denial and reassurance automatic.

Sora waved it away. “I am, and we both know it. But you aren’t awful at it. You’re great at it. And that’s what Kairi needs right now! Someone who can help her with her great work, not be in the way of it!”

There was no way Sora was saying it to be cruel, because Riku had known Sora forever, and cruel was the last thing Sora was capable of being. But ‘here, pretend to be the thing you wish so desperately could be real, but that you cannot ever truly have’ still felt cruel. Especially from him.

But Riku would do anything for either Sora or Kairi, so maybe that was why even entertained the idea.

But then he shook his head. “Kairi won’t agree to it,” he said, voice artificially light. Because she wouldn’t. There was no way she would.

“Well, let’s ask her!” Sora said, practically vibrating in place with the excitement of this ridiculous idea.

It was a mistake to have made Kairi’s inevitable rejection seem like his only problem with it, because then Riku couldn’t do anything but go along with him.

Sora’s energy was bordering on manic as he led Riku through the halls in search of Kairi. They didn’t have to go far, finding her in what served as her private office, hastily transcribing notes from one of the books about Eclenna.

“Kairi, we fixed it!” Sora said, the words bubbling out as soon as they were in the room.

Riku hurriedly shut the door behind them. Regardless of how quickly Kairi would shoot the plan down, he didn’t want to risk anyone else overhearing it.

Kairi raised an eyebrow. “Riku fixed your dancing?”

“Sort of! I won’t need to dance if Riku does it for me.”

She met Riku’s eyes over Sora’s shoulder. “And can you make that make sense for me?”

“I think I gave your fiancé a concussion. I didn’t see him hit his head, but that’s the only reason he’d come up with this—”

Sora shushed him. “I did not. I’m serious, Riku. This is the perfect plan!”

What is the perfect plan?” Kairi asked.

Riku had intended to brush it off as a joke, to explain it away, to negate it before Kairi had to, but Sora didn’t give him a chance.

“Riku and I switch places. He goes as your fiancé, and then everything will be perfect.”

Riku shook his head, already anticipating Kairi’s flat refusal. Maybe she’d laugh, and they could all treat it like a joke. “I told him you wouldn’t agree to it. It’s not…”

He trailed off. Kairi hadn’t rushed to shoot it down. Instead she looked… thoughtful.

“You can’t be seriously considering it.”

“I don’t know,” she said. “But it’s a thought, isn’t it?”

Sora gave out a whoop. “See? Riku already knows all the stuff I don’t have time to learn. He’s charming, and knows all the right things to do and say, and the two of you dance perfectly already.”

Riku felt himself blushing and tried to will it away. It wasn’t like Sora meant it personally.

“It is a thought,” Kairi repeated. She idly chewed her lip. “Eclenna is expecting me to bring my fiancé, but they haven’t ever mentioned Sora by name.”

Sora snapped his fingers. “Do you think they found out about the engagement from the council’s announcement?”

Kairi frowned. “I bet they did.”

Leaving Sora’s name off the announcement had absolutely been a snub, but it would work in their favor for this, at least. Riku shook his head. Now he was acting like this was worth considering.

“Never thought I’d have something to thank the council for,” Sora echoed Riku’s thoughts. “Did you mention my name?”

She shook her head. “I haven’t sent the response listing the three of us as the official party yet. I wanted to make sure that nothing came up that meant I’d have to add someone else. I was going to send it today, so it arrives a day or two before us. I can rewrite it, absolutely.”

“And if they don’t know my name,” Sora said, “then I can bet they don’t know what I look like, either. So there’s nothing that would give away that Riku isn’t your fiancé.”

“The council knows I’m not.”

“But they don’t have to know about this, because we’re the only three that will be going.” Kairi tapped her fingers on the desk. “We make the switch, such as it is, after we leave.”

Riku cleared his throat. “Best case scenario, pretending it all works out the way you want. We convince them, and the nations are at peace. I’m pretty sure they’ll notice when the wedding happens and I’m not the groom.”

“But that’s pretty far off from now,” Kairi said. “We can stage some sort of breakup. A thoroughly non-dramatic end to the engagement, nothing salacious, no hard feelings left behind. They don’t have to feel misled.”

“But is lying to them really the right thing to do?” Riku asked. “It doesn’t seem like the best way to start off an alliance.”

“It wouldn’t be lying exactly,” Kairi said. “Maybe… fibbing, a bit. But I still have to convince them for real that Radiant Garden is worth allying with. All of that is going to be legitimate. It’s just making sure they give me the chance to do that much, you know?”

When she put it that way…

Please,” Sora begged. “For me? For Kairi? Don’t put me in the position to be the reason this fails. This could be what makes Kairi queen.”

“No pressure,” Riku said faintly.

“No pressure you can’t handle.” Kairi grinned. “Think you can play my fiancé for a couple weeks?”

Forever, if you wanted. And with both of them looking at him, eyes big, expressions pleading, Riku couldn’t say no.

He held out a hand to Kairi, and didn’t let on how much it hurt to say, “Let’s fake an engagement.”




Original summary of Wife for a Week:
Wanted: wife for one week.
Nicholas Cooper needs to produce a wife for his Hong Kong business deal to go without a hitch, and Hallie Bennett is beautiful and intelligent enough to pull it off. She needs the money, and Nicholas swears he'll be the perfect gentleman.
Rule No.1: displays of affection in public only.
Keeping their hands off each other in public turns out to be surprisingly easy. It's keeping them off in private that becomes the problem.
And that's not the only very inconvenient complication...

(Obviously I did take some liberties, but I think it's a recognizable premise.)



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